Arnie Skelton

I’ve not been particularly well this week, and had a couple of ‘Mr Bean’ moments, so I thought I’d let you know some of the funnies I’ve had when travelling…funny, now, of course, in restrospect!

• this week I went to the wrong terminal at Heathrow. Since I’d flown in on BA, I just assumed I’d be flying back with BA (Terminal 5) - but no - my return was with BMI (Terminal 1). And they’re too far apart to walk…
• on the same trip, , after landing in Manchester, I was busy chatting away on the mobile to Diane. She’d just returned from a business trip to Switzerland, and I was keen to get the update…and I found myself out of the building, having failed to collect my suitcase from baggage reclaim…I’d just walked straight through! Of course, there’s no going back….
• it’s not always me, though…Caroline has had her moments, too. Most memorably she booked me to the wrong London airport, which then required a significant taxi trip across London…
• Caroline also books my tickets electronically, and once punched ‘4′ instead of ‘3′ for return month - so I wen’t out on 16 March and was booked to return 17 April….!! What makes these events particularly ’sweet’ is the reaction of the airways staff when (in all innocence) I present my ticket. What I usually get is a mixture of puzzlement, empathy and a supressed giggle!
• on a social level, I was chauffeur for a girls’ night out, and, having got absorbed in a movie on TV, looked at the clock, thought I was late and dashed out to pick them up - only to discover when I got there, that I was an hour early (having misread the clock!). As I moved the car to park it up, I noticed the steering feel strange, pulled in, and - found I’d got a flat tyre. It took me almost an hour to change the tyre - and within 2 minutes of me putting the jack away, the girls phoned to ask if I was outside, as they were ready for their lift. So if I hadn’t been early I might never have had the puncture, but as I had got a puncture, the hour extra was perfect…!
• very early on in my career I was late for a train, dashed onto the platform and on to the train, only to realise as it moved off it was heading in the wrong direction! Wrong platform, wrong train….
• I’ve taken my suitcase off the baggage reclaim, only to find when opening it at home, that it wasn’t mine, but an identical (dark turquoise!) case on the same flight!
• I was flying back from London to Manchester, through a massive storm. I was in a window seat, and actually saw forked lightning hit one of the engines….
• but most spectacular of all, I was flying - believe it or not - from Manchester to Newcastle (a route now discontinued). I noticed our descent into the airport…and also our ascent as we pulled away, and started to loop round. Then the plane ‘jumped’…and ‘jumped’ again…and again. This happened about 6 times. It was a really small plane, with only about 12 people on board. Eventually the captain, in a very laconic voice, said (true): “sorry about this. Our undercarriage is stuck in the folded position, so we’re trying to bump it free….”. What was most amazing about this was the reaction of the passengers. Not a murmur or beep. Most carried on doing what they were doing, as if someone was reading out the weather report. After a further few bumps we heard the wheels come down. Again, no reaction, no rejoicing in the aisles. From the moment we felt the first bump, to landing safely, and other than the captain’s announcement (as if it were a regular thing), no one said a word. Cool.